ApriJohn: Feel the Shame
by Les Missedyercalls
Summary: A.J.'s POV: I closed my eyes and let him hold me, ignoring the fact that we could get caught; almost hoping for it. Suddenly, I opened my eyes. I sat up and realized I was still in the hotel room. I checked the clock and it read: 5:30AM. I was only dreaming about John. Only dreaming.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: This story is based on the short-term A.J./Cena pairing when Vickie Guerrero was trying to "out" them as a couple. This story plays on the idea that the pairing was real and follows a series of events (Including the fallout) that would've probably happened had John and A.J. hooked up backstage. I posted this story once before, though this version will contain new content and will go in a different direction than the first post. It contains mature content that may not be suitable for younger readers.

I don't claim to own any rights to WWE or its affiliates. This story is for entertainment purposes only.

1:

Ziggler was trying to fuck my brains out. If he only knew he just wasn't doing it for me.

"Oh, Jesus, A.J.! Jesus," he panted as he went in-and-out, in-and-out.

It felt good and all, but there was too much on my mind to really enjoy myself. Ever since Ziggler and I had hooked up, he's been nothing more than a passing conquest for me. Not that I'm the type of girl who uses guys up before kicking them to the curb—in fact, I'm the opposite of that, but no matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to really want Zig.

"Oh, fuck yeah!" Ziggler came.

He rolled off of me and passed out into a deep sleep like we hadn't just had a marathon-style fuck. Sex with Ziggler would be impossible for someone who wasn't an athlete. Afterward, he always went straight to sleep and no amount of noise would wake him up for at least the next five hours.

I felt the need to cover my naked breasts with my arm. It wasn't like anyone else were watching us in the comfort of our hotel room, but I still felt shy enough to sheepishly slink into a black bathrobe.

Probably because I was imagining someone watching us. Someone I _wanted _to be watching us.

I peeked into the bathroom and even under the bed, acting as though I would find him, even though I knew he wouldn't be there. John Cena had checked into the room downstairs from us, and he was notorious for being out all night. Still, I couldn't help wondering what he would be thinking if he could hear us going at it. Would he want to touch himself listening to Ziggler fuck me? Would he want to touch _me_?

Ever since our kiss on RAW, I haven't been able to stop thinking about John. WWE Creative wrote the story for me to break off and join Ziggler, and since then, we've been a real-life item, but my kiss with John was the best I've ever had, and I can't help wondering if he ever had any feelings for me beyond a story for the show.

His divorce has been hard on him. He's practically sworn off women at this point, at least until everything is finalized. He was angry when WWE Creative first brought him the story about kissing me. He complained that it would reflect against him, but I persuaded him to go along with it for the show. I knew fans would love to see us make out on live TV. They did.

I think I only hooked up with Ziggler because I needed a warm body next to mine. I hadn't really been dating since my last off-air fling with Punk, which ended on a sour note after Punk blew me off. He wasn't always a dick, but hanging out with Paul Heyman brought out the worst in him.

I left the hotel room with a bucket to get some ice. I checked the clock before I left and I noticed it was after 3AM. I should've fallen asleep next to Ziggler, but I was wide awake.

Even my dreams were about John, anymore. I felt like an obsessive stalker, but it wasn't like I was following him around and sneaking his stuff away so I could add it to some freaky collection. I just really liked him and I wanted him to like me back, so much so that I couldn't even enjoy sex with Ziggler because I kept thinking that I should be underneath Cena.

"Fuck," I checked my nails as I turned the corner.

My black nail polish was chipping and I absolutely hated when it did that after I just painted them a day ago. I sighed with frustration as I passed the hotel's laundry room, stopping only when I noticed someone inside sitting on top of one of the washers.

It was John Cena.

He had his earphones in and he was bobbing his head while looking down at a pad of paper that he was writing on. He was wearing a purple t-shirt and jeans, much like the gear he wore in the ring, with a purple hat that he had turned backwards. Contrary to what fans might believe about him, Cena did like the thug look and portrayed it even when he was outside of the ring. It was his signature, and I liked that he stayed true to himself, no matter how much people gave him a hard time for being a white guy in gear you'd usually see on African Americans.

I wandered into the laundry room, but I hesitated at the door. I didn't want to bother him.

He glanced up and smiled when he realized it was me. He took his earphones out and patted the top of the washer next to him as he said, "Take a seat."

"Am I bothering you?" I asked timidly.

"No way! I could use some advice," he patted the top of the washer once more.

I slowly made my way over to him. His smile made me feel less self-conscious. I hopped onto the washer next to him and I noticed as soon as I was seated on it that it had been turned on. It was still filling up, but I knew the spin cycle would create enough vibration to get me...well...going.

I hadn't climaxed with Ziggler, and it was still sensitive enough between my legs that the washer's spin cycle would easily send me over the edge. John handed me the pad of paper he was writing on and asked, "What do you think? They're lyrics for a new song."

He had been talking about releasing a new album for months, now. He had even recorded some songs while we were on the road. I had no idea how he had the time to do everything that he did, but he was one of those people that never seemed to run out of energy.

"It's really good," I couldn't believe the potential he had.

"Which song was your favorite from my last album?" he asked incredulously.

He looked at me like he didn't think I had even listened to his album, so I'd just rattle off his entrance theme and claim that was my favorite since it was the only one I'd heard. I actually had his whole album on my iPod because I liked his music, and I picked the one I truly liked the most, "Bad, Bad, Man. It's sexy and in-your-face at the same time."

John laughed out loud. The washer stopped filling up and clicked into the spin cycle. I shifted uncomfortably and leaned closer to John, not wanting him to realize how good the vibration felt.

Not much escaped John Cena, though, and he knew as soon as he looked back at me.

He took the pad of paper away and asked thickly, "You want me to leave you two alone?"

"No, no, that's okay," I blushed as I tried to step down.

He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me in-place. I could feel his warm breath against my ear as he whispered softly, "I want to see you come."

I could hardly believe he actually said that. He reached down and slipped his fingers through the open part of my bathrobe, easily finding my naked skin underneath. He circled his fingertips between my velvet lips, then he slowly began massaging the pulsing seed where I could feel the most pleasure from.

I moaned as the spin cycle moved faster and faster, while John kept up with it using his fingers. I closed my eyes and let him hold me, ignoring the fact that we could get caught; almost hoping for it.

Suddenly, I opened my eyes. I sat up and realized I was still in the hotel room. I checked the clock and it read: 5:30AM.

I was only dreaming about John. _Only dreaming_.

"Double fuck," I mumbled as I got out of bed and put on the same black bathrobe that was in my dream.

I took the bucket for ice and walked out into the hallway. I wandered around the corner and past the laundry room. I peeked inside for a second, thinking maybe my dream was destined to be true.

But John wasn't there.

* * *

"I have some stuff to show you, later. I found some hilarious videos on YouTube," Kaitlyn told me.

I nodded and she went to take her seat on the tour bus. Most of the roster was already seated, save for John and Randy and Swagger and...

After my intense dream last night, I hadn't been able to go back to sleep. I was so tired that I could hardly think and all I wanted to do was nap. The seat next to me was empty, and Ziggler would probably take it so he could talk to me for a while, but he usually spent time on his laptop watching TV shows, so that would give me some time to catch a few winks.

I saw John walking up to the bus from my window seat. He put his duffel bags away and stepped inside. I thought he'd take his usual seat in the back, but he came up to me instead and asked, "Could I sit here?"

He pointed to the empty seat next to me. I shrugged and replied, "Yeah, sure."

John didn't usually talk to me, so he turned a few curious heads when he took the seat next to me. He pulled out a list from his pocket and explained, "I have this friend and his birthday is coming up. I want to get him something cool but I have no idea what to do."

"What does he like?" I asked.

"Comedies, but I don't know which ones he already has," John replied.

"Well, maybe you could get him a set of collections. That way, there's bound to be some he doesn't have," I mentioned.

John thought about it before a big grin spread across his face and he replied with a serious nod, "Thank you very much. You don't know how helpful you've been."

"Don't mention it," I shrugged.

He was still smiling at me and I got the distinct impression he wanted to say something more, but Ziggler came up to us at that moment and teased John, "Get away from my girl, Cena!"

A few of the roster members laughed. John stood up and responded in a mock-macho tone, "Why don't you make me get away from your girl, Ziggie!"

They acted like they were about to break out into a fight, but the bus driver called for everyone to sit down and the joke was over. John took a seat behind us and Ziggler sat down next to me, putting his laptop down beside him. I told him before he could open his mouth to speak, "I'm really tired after last night. Could we just skip the chit-chat?"

Ziggler made a wry smile like he was the reason I was so worn out. I rolled my eyes at him, but he kept grinning until I closed my eyes to sleep.

_Boys._

* * *

We checked into our hotel near the next arena and Ziggler decided to work out in the hotel gym with some of the other roster members, including John. A few of the Divas joined us, but they kept to themselves on the other side of the room. I was spotting Ziggler while Cena used the treadmill nearby. John was within hearing range when Ziggler sat up after his fourth set and told me, "Why don't you go hang out with the Divas?"

"Why? Do you want me to leave?" I shot back.

"Babe, that's not what I meant. I just think you should hang out with them more, instead of always hanging out with me," Ziggler replied.

"If you don't want me over here, then just say so, Nick!" I called him by his true first name.

He shrugged and shook his head at me like I was too confusing for words. I let out an agitated sigh and walked over to talk to the girls. I looked back for only a second and I could see John saying something to Ziggler. They both laughed and went back to working out.

Oh, no. He didn't.

* * *

I found John much later after the show. I made sure we were the only two around before I launched into him, "What the hell did you say to Ziggler?!"

"What?" John asked as he took a swig from his water bottle.

"You two were laughing after I walked away from Ziggler at the gym. Where you making fun of me?" I seethed.

John made a short laugh, which only made me more mad. He saw my fury building and explained simply, "I told him to go apologize to you because he was being a dick. He laughed at me. If you saw me laughing, it was because I was laughing at Ziggler for being an idiot. I wasn't laughing at you."

He seemed completely sure of his answer. I told him as I turned to walk away, "Okay, fine."

"That's it?" he stopped me.

I turned back to face him and replied, "Yeah, that's it."

"After you just accused me of talking about you behind your back and laughing like a misogynistic pig, I give you a simple answer and everything's cool?" John teased me.

"Do you want me to say I'm sorry?" I put my hands on my hips.

"Only if you want to say you're sorry," he replied.

"I have to go," I turned to leave, again.

"Go, then," he waved me away.

I didn't leave, but stood where I was. There was an awkward moment of silence between us before I asked, "John?"

"Yeah?" he seemed preoccupied as he turned away from me.

"Do you ever think about me?" I asked.

I don't know why I chose that moment to ask him. It was probably the worst timing ever, but it seemed right to me. He looked back at me and we locked eyes for a few long seconds while I awaited his answer.

He didn't answer me because Punk came up behind John at that moment. Punk glanced at us and snorted laughter, saying as he rounded the corner, "You two are so 2 months ago!"

"Shut up, Punk!" I screamed at him, but he ignored me.


	2. Chapter 2

2:

"You're moping."

I was in the Diva's locker room with Kaitlyn, getting ready for our next show. She was sitting on the bench next to me, giving me that face that all girl friends do when they know you're Jonesing for some guy you can't have.

"I'm not moping," I sighed, trying to distract myself by stuffing my things loudly into my locker.

Kaitlyn wasn't fooled. She glared at me and replied sharply, "Oh, you are _SO_ moping! What's going on? Trouble with Ziggler? Are you _in the love_ with someone else?!"

I couldn't help glancing at her sheepishly and her mouth dropped open in awe. She sputtered before I could get another word out, "Oh my God, there is someone else! Is it Randy Orton?"

"What?! No!" I argued, but she continued to try and lecture me, "That boy is recently divorced! You don't wanna be the rebound girl! Besides, he also has the cutest little girl on the planet, and even though he's a better man for his little girl, everyone knows he's still kind of a dick and he will totally break your heart if his ex-Sam doesn't crush it with her bare hands in the first place..."

"It's not Randy!" I shouted, just as Alicia walked by.

She rolled her eyes and scoffed at us before moving on. Kaitlyn laughed and asked more quietly, "Then, who is it? Kane? You two had quite the make-out fest on live TV, the best out of all of 'em, in my opinion..."

"No, it's not Kane!" I hissed.

"Well, it's not Daniel Bryan because he's going to marry Brie, and I hope to God it's not Punk again because you two left off so bitterly that there's no repairing that damage..." she rambled.

I shot her a distraught look and Kaitlyn switched gears, "Look, I'm sorry, you know I can't shut up even when I really should."

She was quiet until I started lacing up my boots. She could hardly contain herself anymore as she leaned in and whispered, "So who is it?"

"John Cena," I regretted telling her as soon as the words were uttered.

She made a shrill gasp and a few of the Divas looked our way. Kaitlyn leaned into me again and warned me quietly, "He's also fresh from an epic divorce, A.J.! He and his wife were bitter lovers even before the divorce, judging from his constant complaining about her, and if he hasn't sworn off all women already, you know he'll just use you as a rebound girl for a while and then he'll kick you to the curb as soon as he hears you say the _L_ word because we all know he's never going to get married ever again!"

I wanted to curl up and start sobbing. Kaitlyn gave me another sympathetic look and added, "Once again, I can't keep my mouth shut, and I'm sorry for that, but you know I'm right."

It made sense and I knew that, but I still couldn't help feeling heartbroken at the idea that I would never get a chance with John. Kaitlyn added to lift my spirits, "You know, after he gets you fired, you could go to TNA and try to make some rival babies. But not A.J. Styles' babies, since John's equivalent is already taken and it'd be way too confusing for the both of you to have the same first name!"

I laughed out loud, then I asked with a heavy sigh, "So why do you think I would want Randy Orton?"

Kaitlyn shrugged and replied simply, "You just look like the type who goes for bad boys."

* * *

I found a place to hide out in the arena so I could get some Yoga in and meditate for a while. My mind was still racing even as I went to the cafeteria a couple of hours later to grab something to eat before the show. There were a lot of roster members and staff and their families already sitting down to eat, and there was only one empty table I could spot at the far side of the room.

As fate would have it, only Randy Orton was sitting there...with John Cena.

Cena and Orton were like, the best of friends, and everyone knew to steer clear of them when they were together because they acted like their conversations were like Brody-and-Carrie-Homeland-Level restricted. I glanced around for another spot, but there wasn't even a tiny space I could sneak into and Ziggler wasn't there yet, so it was either brave the intense bromance at the only open table or skip eating altogether, and I was starved.

I quietly took a seat across from Cena and Orton, hoping they wouldn't notice me. They were already deeply in conversation and they didn't even look up at me. I tried my best to munch quietly on some potato chips while I watched them talk avidly about their favorite sports teams and whom they had already decided would win any given game in the next few weeks.

It was actually kind of entertaining, although I didn't know some of the people they were referring to, but when you listen to guys talk sports, they usually rattle off inspiring statistics so you don't even have to know the person to understand that they're some kind of awesome. I found myself listening so intently that I felt the urge to lend myself to the conversation, and when Randy brought up the TV show Eastbound & Down, I totally knew what he was talking about.

"Oh my God, I love that show!" I shouted, making the two of them turn to face me.

They stared at me like they only just now realized I was there. I started rambling excitedly, "I think Kenny Powers is hilarious! I'm going through the seasons on DVD, and I'm only through the first season, but I love the episode when he tries to sell his stuff on eBay for thousands of dollars and it only sells for seven bucks!"

I laughed out loud just thinking about it. Cena gave me an awkward smile and said, "I've never heard of a girl who watches that show."

It was actually a guy show, but I was the type of girl who watched mostly guy shows. I told him with a shrug, "I think it's funny. In fact, I've even though about putting something of mine for sale on eBay, just to see if it will sell for more than seven bucks."

Randy chuckled while John replied matter-of-factly, "Your stuff would sell for way more than seven bucks, April."

I blushed and replied quietly, "I figure people will just think it's a fraud and they wouldn't bid."

John opened his mouth to counter, but Punk suddenly came up beside me and yelled, "Why didn't you come over to sit with us, A.J.?! I was waving at you!"

"What?" I glanced over to where he was pointing to, which was a table way on the other side and almost out-of-view.

I could see Kaitlyn, Daniel Bryan, Kane and Seth Rollins already sitting there, with an empty spot that was probably where Punk was sitting. It was almost impossible to notice and I couldn't believe that Punk actually thought I would be able to see it, let alone that I would want to sit next to him.

"I called your name! Why did you ignore me?!" Punk continued to yell.

"I didn't hear you call me! I don't even know what you're talking about!" I shouted back at him.

He seemed overly agitated that I had unintentionally brushed him off, and it suddenly dawned on me that he was actually pissed off because I had chosen to sit with John Cena, his most notorious frenemy in the business.

_Yet another thing to add to my ever-growing This Is Why I Can't Date John Cena list._

"Come on, Punk, lay-off, man. She's fine sitting with us," John pointed out because I was too dumb-struck to say anything.

Punk shot John a hard stare and stated, "I wasn't talking to _you_, Cena."

Randy added harshly, "Hey, hit the road, Punk! We're talkin' shit, here!"

"Shit about me?!" Punk started in on Orton and I knew this was going to get ugly fast.

"I think I'll just go, now," I got up and took my plate to leave.

Randy pointed at me and stated, "Sit down."

He had this kind of _Fifty Shades _way of making you want to obey him when he gave you orders and I immediately sat back down. He pointed at Punk and stated, "Fuck the hell off!"

I was surprised that Punk also knew when to mind his manners and he walked off still steaming from his ears. Randy looked at me and told me in his thick, gravely, Missouri-accented sexy voice, "He won't be bothering you like that, again. Fucking disrespectful."

I smiled and went back to my meal. Randy mentioned off-hand as he picked at his own food, "Punk probably wouldn't have picked a fight if you were sitting with your boyfriend, Ziggler."

Something came over me at that moment and I blurted without thinking, "I don't think Ziggler would've done much to defend me. Actually, I think we're breaking up."

Randy's eyebrows lifted and his expression was a mix of mild astonishment and a bit of amusement, like he kind of thought our relationship was almost a joke in the first place. It made me wonder what Ziggler was saying about us in the guy's locker room.

I glanced at John and he seemed surprised as well, but he said nothing and I got the same hint from him that Ziggler wasn't exactly promoting our couple-hood to the other guys. It made me feel mad inside, but then I saw something else cross John's face and I swore it was a kind of satisfaction at the fact that I was available, now.

"Um..., I guess I should go now," I got up again to leave.

"See ya, April," John said to me as I walked away, and I couldn't help feeling warm inside.

* * *

I went back to the Diva's locker room and sat down against the wall. I cried for a few minutes, thinking about how stupid I was to announce breaking up with Ziggler when I hadn't even talked to him about it, first. If Cena or Orton decided to tell Ziggler before I found him, I would have a huge mess on my hands and a loud, gossip-inducing breakup that everyone would be talking about for weeks.

When I finally stopped crying, I closed my eyes and just thought about John. I imagined that he tracked me down after I left the cafeteria and we met up with each other in an abandoned hallway. I imagined that he scooped me up in his arms and gave me a kiss that rivaled our first, then he said to me, "You should break up with Ziggler."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you should be with me," he answered.

I imagined wrapping my arms and legs around him as he carried me like I was weightless to an empty room, where he lay me across a table and he ran his hands all over my body like he couldn't get enough of me.

I wanted to feel his erection pressing up against me. I wanted to feel his strong hands cupping my breasts and squeezing them just slightly. I wanted to feel his tongue caressing my skin until it tingled. I wanted to feel him cum inside of me.

There was a knock at the door of the locker room and I had to push my thoughts away. I asked politely, "Who is it?"

"It's Mattie," the blonde haired, doe-eyed member of our backstage staff answered.

He was the only outwardly gay member of our staff, and Mattie was totally confident around a bunch of macho male wrestlers who often saw being gay as a contagious disease that had to be contained. He gave some of the best advice in the world, and I wanted nothing more than to consult with him.

"Please, come in, Mattie," I told him.

He timidly walked through the door, glancing around to make sure we were alone before he came down beside me and asked sympathetically in his Virginian-tone, "You alright, Miss?"

He could see that my eyes were still red from tears. I nodded despite feeling awful and it only made me start crying, again. He hugged me and asked, "Oh, what is it? Is it man trouble?"

I looked up at him to confirm it and he quickly jumped to conclusions, "Are you planning on breaking up with that egocentric Ziggler for some fresh meat?! Oh God, it's Randy Orton, isn't it?!"

"Why does everyone think I'm after Randy Orton?!" I shouted.

Mattie hugged me close to him again and replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, honey, but you're just so sweet like that little tangy Sam and I could just see Randy scooping you up and jading you in a hellagood way because you and Sam seem to be the only two wisps who could tame that wild Viper!"

I wasn't sure if that were a compliment or not. I shook my head anyway and confessed, "It's not Randy Orton, it's John Cena."

Mattie immediately pointed out, "Oh no, honey, he's the Hercules of our little establishment! He's half-God, half-man in the curttails of divorce from a Medusa who tried to take him for all he's worth and turn him right to stone! He'll break your heart in a million pieces, then he'll use his son-like appeal on our Zeus McMahon to get you escorted from the business before we can say aloha to your fine little behind!"

His Virginian-twanged overzealous analogies made me laugh despite my tears. Mattie gave me one more quick squeeze before he finished with, "Take it from me, sweet darlin'! The hottest boy in school is the last one you wanna get involved with."

* * *

I took a walk around the arena to get my thoughts straight before my match. I tried to find as many empty places to wander as I could, but there were so many staff and roster members around that I finally went downstairs to the basement parking lot where our trucks and trailers were just to get some peace and quiet.

My eyes still felt puffy from crying, earlier. I kept trying to wipe them, but I felt like I was only making them more red as I wandered between the trucks. I rounded the corner and caught sight of John's personal trailer just a few feet away. I figured walking around it a couple of times wasn't going to hurt anybody, but as I got closer, I could hear groaning sounds like someone was inside.

I looked up at the back window of the trailer, but the shade was drawn and I couldn't see anyone inside. I went around to the side where the door was and listened. The groaning got louder and more pleasurable and it became completely obvious that John was having sex in there.

_I'm so stupid! I'm soooo stupid! How could I be so blind?! He was getting over a bitter divorce! Of course he would be going after anything wearing a skirt! Everyone else was right! How could I be so stupid as to think he would want me?!_

I put my hand over my mouth to cover any sound that might come out and I tried my best to hold down my tears. I started to walk away shamefully when I heard John moan, "Oh, A.J."

_WHAT?!_

I pressed my ear to the door and listened intently. I could hear the slapping noise of skin-against-skin, but I very deliberately heard him say again, "Oh, A.J.!"

It took me a few more seconds of listening to realize that the sound I was hearing could also be hand-against-skin, and that he was probably pleasuring himself while chanting my name.

My legs started to tremble and I knew what I was doing was wrong as I practically squashed my ear against the door and listened to John Cena masturbate about me. I pressed my hands and then my whole body against the door and heard him continue, "I want to fuck you so hard; I'll cum in your throat."

It was a devious thing to say, and not something I ever thought I'd hear John Cena come up with, but it was starting to pulse between my legs and I could feel myself getting wet just from thinking about him wanting me like that.

"I'll fuck you until you come for me, and then I'll turn you around and fuck you in your ass, where no one's ever fucked you, before," he went on.

It was true, no one had ever taken me from behind like that, before. Some of the girls I knew talked about it and they thought it was just disgusting, but the thought of having John Cena be the one to do that to me made me want to rub up against the door just to ease the sexual tension building up inside of me.

"I want to suck on your tits until they're raw and tingling, then I'll suck on your clit until it's all red and throbbing for me, then I'll...OH, FUCK!"

He made a long, low groan like he was cumming, and I let out an intense sigh. I was so turned on, I could easily use my fingers to free myself, but I was still listening to John when I heard him shout, "Oh, shit! Oh, shit!"

He kind of sounded like he was upset about something. I was still pressed up against the door when it suddenly swung open, knocking me into the trailer beside John's as he came rushing out like he was late getting back into the arena and he happened to see me.

I didn't hit the other trailer hard, and I was more startled than anything. As soon as John laid eyes me, he stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me like a deer-in-headlights. He blinked to gather himself and glanced at the door of his trailer, then back at me, realizing that I had to have been right there for the door to impact me.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, trying to sound non-judgmental.

I shrugged and he pointed at my eyes as he asked, "Have you been crying?"

He seemed to be totally confused by the situation, and it only made me confused, so I confessed without thinking it through, "I came out here to walk around for a while and I heard you in your trailer. I was listening to you and I heard you call my name and I heard all the stuff you said about me and it kind of really turned me on and I didn't think you'd come out and catch me and I'm going to shut up, now."

We stood there in awkward silence for several long seconds, then John asked, "You want to go out, tonight?"

"Tonight?" I repeated, unsure if that was actually what he said.

"Yeah, after the show. I mean, it doesn't have to be a date if you don't want it to be. We could hit the clubs or something," he remarked.

"A date is fine, yeah," I smiled.

"Okay, that's cool," John put his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

"Okay," I replied and nodded to confirm.

John turned on his heel and walked away and I stood there like an idiot, wondering what I had just done by saying yes to him. I knew Ziggler would want to hook up with me after the show and I'd have to come up with a really good excuse as to why I couldn't spend the night with him. He was the jealous type and there was no way this would end on a good note, even if I told Ziggler right away we were breaking up and left it at that.

I was startled when John came back from around the corner and asked, "You coming?"

"Oh, right, yeah," I followed after him.

_Stupid girl. You're just asking for disaster._


	3. Chapter 3

3:

"So, could I ask what the deal is between you and Punk?" Cena said as soon as we got our meals.

We were eating at a local burger joint that I had picked out. I wasn't really the dress-up-and-drink-wine kind of girl, and John seemed to admire that. He gave me a soft smile as soon as he put the question out there so I'd feel more comfortable answering him. I shrugged and replied honestly, "He was a mistake that still won't leave me alone."

John's eyes widened with surprise and I added with a laugh, "That's probably not a good choice of words for our first date confessions."

He shrugged like it didn't matter, but I explained anyway, "Punk and I had some chemistry back when our stories were blending together. I thought he really liked me and I took a chance on him. Now, I know that he was just playing the field, but he seems to think he still has a say in what I do with my life."

"You want me to talk some sense into 'im?" John mocked a macho boyfriend and flexed his right arm for emphasis.

I laughed out loud and replied, "I don't know if you can stop him! He's pretty damn hard to kill!"

John laughed this time, and I congratulated myself for provoking his happy side. As soon as he finished, I asked him one of my own burning questions, "How are you holding up after all that's been going on in your life?"

I didn't want to say the word DIVORCE because it sounded so offensive and threatening, but I didn't have to say it to instantly kill the mood in the room.

John frowned and remarked quietly, "I'm doing what I can to make things right."

He didn't elaborate, but his words gave me the impression that he felt responsible for something, to the point where he was blaming himself like he thought he had done something wrong.

I opened my mouth to ask for more details, but my phone buzzed in my pocket and I knew it was Ziggler calling.

"Excuse me," I told John, taking out my phone to check it.

ZIGGLER flashed across the screen, along with a contact photo of him sticking his tongue out at me with his eyes crossed and his expression all goofy. I took the photo a few weeks ago while we were driving to the next arena, and I used to love when it would pop up every time he contacted me.

_Those were happier times._

I touched the IGNORE button and sent him to voicemail. I knew he'd call back again and again until I answered, so I turned my phone off and shoved it back into my pocket. John gave me a knowing look and said, "That's Ziggler."

"I don't want to talk to him right now. I want this time to be for just the two of us," I replied.

John shook his head and remarked, "I'm beginning to think taking you out tonight was a big mistake."

"What?" I asked, hurt by his words.

He responded quickly, "It's not that I'm enjoying spending time with you! Believe me, I am, I just...I don't want to make your life a mess because mine's all fucked up."

"Sorry," he added when he realized he had cussed in front of me.

I didn't really know what to say. I started to get up as I said, "I could leave."

"No, no, stay," he looked up at me somberly.

His blue eyes were so striking that I just wanted to sink into them. I slowly sat back down and waited for him to say something. When he finally spoke, it wasn't what I expected.

"You want to go back to my trailer after this?"

"Oh, um...yeah, sure," I was surprised he even asked.

He blinked and looked away, clenching his jaw like he knew that he was doing exactly what he was trying not to do by asking me to stay over, but he ignored his better instincts and went back to eating his burger, so I did the same, wondering if this night would turn into another huge mistake.

* * *

_Don't think about having sex with him! Don't think about having sex with him! Don't think about it because you'll do it and then you'll have to face Ziggler and tell him you cheated!_

I kept repeating the warning in my head while John drove us back to his trailer, which his driver had parked in the lot next to the hotel where the rest of the roster were staying. If Ziggler happened to be in the parking lot, he would easily catch us, but it was late and no one was around by the time we got there.

I took it as a sign and smiled at John as he opened the door of his trailer to let me inside. I automatically walked all the way back to his bed and sat down on the edge of it. He locked the door and came up the steps to find me, shooting me an odd look when he saw me on the bed as he joked, "You don't waste any time, do you?"

"I could make us some egg rolls instead, but I'm pretty full," I replied, making John laugh again.

He slowly made his way over to me and leaned down to press his lips to mine. It was a tender kiss and nothing like the tonsil hockey we were playing in front of the live audience on RAW, but it still felt good and I tugged on his shirt to lower him into me so we could explore each other some more.

John displayed intimacy in a way that took me a little more time to process. I was used to younger men who were strong and insistent and all they wanted was to get my clothes off in as little time as possible so they could stick it in and start pumping. John was well into his 30's and had the maturity of a man who had long since left the rip-it-and-stick-it phase. He had learned to take his time with women, to cater to their needs as well as his own, and to use the means to reach a much more satisfying end.

He didn't take my clothes off right away, but instead held onto the fabric like it was a part of me, running his fingertips over my cotton t-shirt and along my jeans to inspire a ticklish feeling underneath. He kept his lips with mine as long as I wanted him to, not pulling away so he could kiss around my body before I was really ready for that. He even knew where to touch me, and he wasn't groping around like some guys do when they think they know where you want them to be.

I tugged on the edge of his t-shirt and started to pull it above his head. John let me do this without giving me one of those weird faces that guys make when they think you're trying to take control of the situation. He tossed his shirt to the floor and took off his dog tags, placing them carefully in an old canister sticking out of a shelf beside the bed that looked like it had sentimental appeal to him. I made a mental note to ask him about the canister later and we went back to kissing.

Obviously, I'm a smaller girl than most, but I felt even smaller underneath John. It would've felt like trying to make out with a grizzly bear, but John was so careful that it made me feel completely at ease and not overwhelmed. We started breathing more heavily as John unzipped his jeans to release some of the pressure he was feeling. He didn't completely expose himself to me, but I could see the head of his cock sticking out and it made me smile when I saw that he was circumcised.

The smile was more because I knew something about him that most girls could only imagine and wonder about. John leaned in to kiss me again and reached his hand behind me. He drew his fingers up underneath my t-shirt and went for the hinges of my bra to unhook them. I was so wet for him by that point that my knees kept wanting to squeeze together, and I knew that if I didn't let him in soon, the intensity would make me scream.

Then it hit me: _I'm about to make a huge mistake._

I didn't want to be a cheater. I had been cheated on before and I remembered how horrible that felt. If I wanted to break up with Ziggler so badly, I didn't have to run into the arms of John to do that. I needed to face up to Ziggler and tell him the truth _before _I decided to move on, and not _after_, lest I wanted to end up in a Lita-Edge-Matt Hardy love triangle like a few years back.

Everyone on the roster knew that story. Lita and Matt were together in real life, and then Lita cheated on Matt with Edge while Matt was out on injury. It was so many years ago that it had become a story made up of rumors and half-truths wrestlers and divas told to each other when someone asked about the consequences of finding love on the road. It still rang true in my situation, and I didn't want to be the next Lita that everyone warned each other about.

"Wait, please," I grabbed John's arm, and he immediately stopped.

"You having second thoughts? So am I," he confessed.

He rolled away from me and settled on his stomach, turning his head to one side so he could still see me as he smiled warmly like he understood exactly why I didn't want to go on. I sat up on my knees and told him, "I'm really sorry, I should've said something before it got this far. I haven't exactly talked to Ziggler about breaking up, and I should do that before I start anything with you."

"That makes sense," John nodded.

"Do you still want to see me, I mean, even after I break up with Ziggler?" I asked tentatively.

John shot me a wry smile and only pretended like he was being a jerk as he joked, "Oh no, by that point you'll be easy game and I'm only out for the taken ones."

I slapped him playfully on the shoulder and he laughed, then he let out a long sigh and asked more seriously, "Would you still do something for me, tonight?"

"Sure," I answered, feeling a little curious.

John let out another sigh like he might be asking too much of me, but he said it anyway, "Would you take off your top and press your naked breasts against my back? I want nothing more than that."

I gave him a confused expression and he added warmly, "Guys my age don't want girls to know this, but it's not about sex so much at this point as it is about..._human contact_."

"You could just be saying that to get me to take my top off," I argued, but John just smiled like there was not much he could do to prove or disprove that.

I decided to take my chances and I slowly began lifting up my t-shirt. John watched me with his blue eyes set in a tender gaze as I tossed my t-shirt aside and reached back to unhinge my bra. There was a moment where I felt a little insecure as I let my bra fall open and held it in front, taking one last look at John for any sign that he was being insincere before I revealed myself to him.

He just looked like he wanted very badly to see me, like it was an ongoing mystery his eyes were desperate to solve. I finally let my bra slide down my arms and away from me, and I watched as John's eyes widened and engulfed my image like an eagle devouring perfect prey.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, almost like he had not intended to say it out loud.

He blushed and looked up at my eyes as he mentioned, "I didn't mean it to come out so corny."

"It's okay," I said, crawling over to him so I could lay down against his back.

I straddled him and he let out a low groan. I wondered if he was still hard as I leaned down and gently pressed my breasts against his skin. He was warmer than me and the change made goosebumps across my chest. John laughed slightly and said, "That feels kind of cool."

"What? My boobs or the goosebumps?" I played dumb to make him laugh.

He settled down and I asked him softly, "You sure you don't want me to do anything else?"

I figured a hand job was the least I could do after calling it quits when he was just about to tell me to spread 'em wide, but John answered with a slight grunt, "You're doing plenty. I shouldn't have even asked for this much when you've got so much going on already."

"I could've said no," I reminded him.

"Yeah, but I'm pretty convincing," he replied, almost in a self-depreciating way.

All night he had been saying things that were hinting to another side of John Cena, a side that he didn't seem to like about himself. It made me wonder why he kept bringing it up.

Was he trying to tell me because he needed help, or was he trying to warn me?


End file.
